Relationships - An introspection !

I have been thinking on this subject last 3 years …lots of questions, lots of learning’s, lots of failures and lots of gains …Its been a long tiring journey …It is still on and may be may take me a lifetime or more before I reach the destination …Abhijit mentioned to me that the Journey is more important than the destination …

However I had a few realization recently which I thought I must put down .. so that when I do look back in time I know where I have progressed.

I have been feeling last 3 yrs that every new relationship that came into my life was tough to manage, it was too demanding or just wanting a lot out of me without wanting to give in return …It was unlike a lot of relationships / friendships that I had in the past …With most of these relationships I just didn’t seem to have patience …I felt very dominated, confused, unsure and thus withdrew…I never like withdrawing and I like to be with people I like... but at times when I just don’t know how to tackle a situation or how to take things forward I land up stepping back …with time I do find the next steps I need to take and they are always in the right direction …just this stepping back and withdrawal makes me very sad and dejected…

One such recent incident made me think alot ...I just realized that may be it’s how I have been looking at these new relationships that needed a new perspective from my end …I can’t change people but changing my perspective towards them could make my situation better or make me deal with the situation better. I thought to myself and wondered how and why all my friendships or any kind of relationships in the past / current that I have lasted for 15 years and more(infact there have been quite a few ) lasted that well .. then why last few years I seem to feel like a failure …

I came across a couple of reasons

The relationships weren’t built in a day / week/ month

I didn’t have any expectations from them at that point …or may be I did but dealt with them over a period of time

I never feared loosing anything or them …they were important but them not being around didn’t make feel uncomfortable

I didn’t always like their ways but looked for their positives.. I guess they did the same

Yes I did have disagreements and over time we confronted each other and worked around it …not all confrontations were positive but the realtionhips worked...

I guess there was all the time in the world…or we just gave it alot of time

There was a lot of patience, care freeness, no strong opinions or no expectations

We stood by each other in difficult times and celebrated every small victory

Laughed together, shared a lot, cried , enjoyed every moment

All these reasons just bring me to a conclusion ...

Basically, relationship are like a small seed that you plant …you give it water, good sunlight, right manure, nurture it, protect it from the storm and thunder, take out the weeds that grow around and try to hamper its growth, pamper it, give it enough love and look forward for it bloom into a sapling and finally a beautiful tree that has strong roots to face the test of times, give u shelter and bear beautiful flowers and fruits …yes at times the seeds you plant don’t grow and die very fast ….but that has not stopped a planter from clearing out the dead seeds, plough the land again plant new seeds with a new hope and faith …

May be I understand why I thought I was being a failure …and even if I was what stopped me from starting again …to clear out the dead seeds, plough the land again plant new seeds with a new hope and faith …