Hospital - The Circus

Hospitals can be no less than comedy circus. Sure I didn’t appreciate the humour then in a lot of pain. Now that I look back I find a lot of incidents quite amusing. Here are some …don’t know if they are really funny but worth penning down.

1) To begin with my Doc …Dr Bansali an 80 year old man of principles and commitment towards his patients. A person whom I admire for his qualities.Well had a sense of humour though bad timing. One day he came into my room to open the stitches an clean the wounds etc . Which I must say is painful and scary. As he did his job I jumped up and down and was yelling in pain. Suddenly to distract me he goes…”Madame don’t scream that loud …don’t u know our hospital is under renovation” he he he …now that I look back I am amused though at that moment I just gave him dirty stare …he he he

2) The ICU …scary place that haunted me out of my wits ( considering out of my 7 day stay there the last 3 days I was the only conscious and alert patient). But did find a funny incident there too …one rainy Sunday. A young dudedish physiotherapist was around sulking as he was on 24 hrs duty. Dr Dee (His real name I can spare that from being disclosed though now that we are friends I call him Dr Smilee) walked into my ward to treat me for the regular therapy that patients get in the ICU early morning …(he normally I presume is a cheerful person but we all have our days don’t we…) As he gives me my treatments throws a line saying “ Are u in a lot of pain or little “ I was like “ little at the moment” So he turned around and says “ so that can’t stop u from smiling a little can it ?” I smiled back ( fake that was too…he he he )but in my head thought kitna fake dialogue tha khud to kab se sulk karkte hue ghoom raha hai …he he he.

That whole day he sulked around and I overheard other doctors trying to cheer him up but in vain. Evening he came for my treatment again and again marooned one of his lines saying that “I prescribe you to smile every hour”. By then I was too amused by the situation. After an hour I saw him sitting on the doctor desk bang opposite my bed and doing his favorite act for the day …’Sulking’. Me and my kidas couldn’t resist marroing my one liner on him …u know I don’t loose such opportunities don’t u …he he he . I called out to him and in a daze he looked around wondering if it was him or the nurse that I had called out for. With a confused and hassled look he walked upto me and asked what I needed. I turned around and said “ Doc what did you prescribe to me an hour back …he looked more confused so I reminded him “ A smile every one hour, right ?”… he said “ totally a must “…waiting for that reply promptly I replied “ then why are u sulking since morning …don’t doctors practice what they preach “ ha ha ha Zapped as if he didn’t know what had hit him we both broke down into a big laugh…he never would have expected a mad patient like me that to in the ICU…ha ha ha ha …I don’t think he will ever forget to smile when he is in the ICU atleast …What say Doc Dee ? ha ha ha ha….




3) Oh lets talk about getting back to the room …Hospitals are like army camps . Too disciplined …at times felt like a Robotics lab too everything had a fixed time and quite mechanical. Like 6am the nurse would wake me up to give me medicines …was very frustrating specially the night prior she had given me sleeping pill as I had been struggling to sleep …u dent wake a patient struggling to sleep all night … don’t they get that I thought in anger then. As if that was not bad enuff at 6 :15 am the ward boy would knock and say “ good morning madame …brush time” All I could give him was a angry stare … Who the hell brushes their teeth at 6 : 15 am …don’t they get it I am a unwell and need rest …but the one who took the cake was a dainty pathologist who would walk into my room every 6 :30 am and say in hr cheerful voice “ Good morning Miss Payal” and before I could barely register her good morning …she would prick me a needle and take a blood sample …” OUCH …I wondered every morning what was so good abr rhe morning when all she had to do was prick me “ grrrrrrrrr!

My sponge bath session was the nurses’s gossip time …most often I didn’t get the conversation as it was a regional language I didn’t understand. But one day they decided to talk in hindi and I was zapped as the gossip was about the patients they disliked …I heard one of them telling the other how she found this painful old lady irritating and how she felt like pricking her with injections to get back to her …OUCH I thot and immediately told them I hope they didn’t find me irritating as well…he he he Thankfully I was told that I was in their good book…He he he he

Then came the dietician …each day ( that is the day I was allowed food) she came with this menu that sounded like a five star menu. So payal what would you like for dinner today minty peas or sauté veges with carrot soup. Gosh she fooled me each day …when the actual food arrived it wasn’t as yum as the menu. The minty peas was actually boiled peas with 4 mint leaves…can u imagine. GRRRRR!!


Well i did pick on sme humour from there ...My Dear doc came up on the last day and said " Madame u are allowed all liquids except the one from Scottland. As he left the room i thanked God and told my friend and said "Thank god he didnt restrict France, Russia and Cuba ...i never liked Scotch any way !! ;) "

Cheers Doc ..it's all in good humour !