IF !!

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!


--Rudyard Kipling

Love !

Just a simple word yet quite a complex concept. Today being Valentines day I couldn’t stop to think on the subject and pen down what I have learnt or understood of the same in the last 30 years of my life after experiencing various situations and some heartbreaks. Today these experiences surely seem to have taught me a lot.

At 1st when someone mentioned the word LOVE I could think only of romantic relationships. My 1st experience of Love was one sided ( my side that is !!). It was a strange feeling of being with someone who was my best friend, mentor, guide etc …Honestly I never felt the need to give the feeling or the relationship a name for a long time but I was young and vunerable and gave into societies need to define the relationship. In the pressure I gave in somewhere with time lost the relationship. Strangely the Love remained as beautiful memories.

I didn’t understand then what I have recently did from a friend who said “When we say we r in love.. the happiness is about loving someone, not about being loved by someone. Being loved by someone is a bonus that has no bearing on whom and how u love. Most people are miserable in love coz they expect reciprocation . Your trust n faith in ur own love for someone is what ensures they come to u, not ur expectation of their love..”

Its so simple yet beautiful thought isn’t it. It has got me thinking and some how strengthened my faith in the power of my own love.

The other thing I have learnt about love is what yet another friend shared with me from a thought her dying mother left her with. She said “ Don’t chase Love …it will come to you like it came to me” . It’s true the more you chase it the more it seems to run away from you and some day when you least expect it just fills itself in your heart.

Love is always there …we just don’t realize it’s existence and try to look for it in the manner we would like to see it. That’s where we get disillusioned. Like may be for me just being there as a patient listener for a friend in time of need could be my way of expressing my love but may be to her / him it would be the need to constantly call. I think we need to accept and understand each others needs and express our love accordingly so that it gets conveyed.

Love need not have a name or relationship attached to it. But it’s still as meaningful. Love is beyond a physical form. Every person who is the object of your affection always seems perfect no matter what.

Yet another thing i have realized is the importance of 'Loving yourself '. Coz only when you can love yourself will the world feel like loving you. Besides that Loving onself makes life seem beautiful and worth living. It opens many doors that we seem to close for ourself.Can u imagine the lovely feeling of being loved ...specially it's easy when it urself. It's strange but we crave for love in the outside world when we find it most difficult to love ourselves ...How can we expect to be loved when i don't seem to love myself. It's a realization that hit me a year back ...I am glad it did .. it has opened many more doors for myself.

There so much more I am yet to explore and getting an understanding of .With time there is more and more I seem to experience that brings new meanings to the the simple word called LOVE !

You say it best, when you say nothing at all !

It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word you can light up the dark
Try as I may I can never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall
You say it best, when you say nothing at all ...

While all these years the words of this beautiful song from one of my favorite film “Notting Hill” were something I just seem to sing coz they just seemed too beautiful, off late I seem to understand what they mean or rather experiencing the beauty and simplicity of saying so much without actual spoken words

As a baby when we couldn’t talk or understand spoken words just that gentle touch, a loving pat, a playful touch on the nose, a affectionate brushing of hand on the forehead and head or a tender hug conveyed love, protection, warmth, support and so much more. It’s strange how over the years as we seemed to grow up we tend to ignore this beauty and get caught up in spoken words and expect so much from people. We start to believe that we are not loved or conveyed love coz there weren’t spoken words involved. I am not saying that spoken words aren’t important but at times just a simple touch can convey a lot more that spoken words only if we are open to receiving and aware of this beautiful nonverbal communication.

Love for instance can be displayed or communicated by sheer touch or a glance. However we seem to want and understand display of Love on by sheer words and deeds.

I have been aware and experiencing many such touches that have said more than what the person could communicate to me or at times just meant a lot more than the people could even realize they had conveyed to me.

One such touch happed last evening …after the most bizaare week of year 2007 ( Last week that is ) I had gone for my meditation. While the session was very calming and made me peaceful. Just after a while I shifted my seat and my eyes glanced Anil my Soulmate from Dubai whom I knew I would be meeting after 4 months.I came and sat ahead of him and out of fondness just extended my hand towards him for a handshake. As I just gave him that “ I am happy to see him” touch and look. He just reciprocated with holding my hand tightly,as though he was conveying that he too was very happy to see me. For some reason, neither did he leave my hand and neither did I feel like and soon all of a sudden I was so overwhelmed. Tears kept flowing from my eyes and I just couldn’t stop them for a long long time. That loving and gripping touch seem to convey so much to me …I just felt like he was saying “ Don’t worry I am there for you no matter when you need me.”. I felt immense love, security and a sense of a protectiveness showered by my loving baby brother. That simple comforting touch touched my heart and I just couldn’t stop myself from feeling comfortable of letting my tears get released. It was a beautiful moment and means so much to me. Thanks Anil for being there for me.

Similarly, when a loved one just takes your hand in his / her hand and holds on to it knowing that you are low conveys “ it’s all fine”, or a warm hug that conveys “ You are safe and loved no matter what”, gentle strokes on your head by a elderly person or a loved one conveys “affection and blessing”. There is so much more that one brush of a touch, the look of the eyes and just a simple smile can convey.

I am glad that after so many years like a little baby I have begun to experience, understand and communicate with people, saying a lot by not saying a word. Do they all understand … yes I am sure they do at some level, may be at that moment or latter. Whether they choose to reciprocate or not is a chose they make based on their willingness and awareness. However nothing stops me from conveying and willingly receive all the love and affection that has being showered on me along, which I seemed to have realized only recently.

That’s why the words of the song just seem so appropriate to me …especially “You say it best, when you say nothing at all”

Never-say-die !

Last 7 days have been a nightmare …if given a choice it would be those 7 days of the year that I would surely like to erase. My family and me have been on this rollercoaster which seemed to have more downs than ups. It’s not that it’s the 1st time I have faced a rollercoaster like this …there have way to many in the last 12 years.Each ride, while has made me stronger in the long run but at that moment tested my patience and drained me on an emotional, physical and mental level. I am at the moment very angry and very upset with the ride I get forced upon time and again. I have been on this ride before but I just don’t seem to enjoy it …somehow don’t seem to have much choice either.

However this times of trial (like always) did bring up some amazing things that I either did not know or had forgotten. One such being this beautiful reply from a dear friend Mr. P to a silly forward that I sent asking “ What would be that one thing that if he had a choice he could steal from me”. Honestly I didn’t know that like me there would be other crazy people too who would reply to that forward... he he he (Yes I did replied to the friend who had sent the forward). But Mr. P's reply came very untimely ( that’s what I thought at that moment), as in a strange hour way after I had sent the message …on second thoughts latter i realized that it was most timely.

He replied “It would be your lively never-say-die attitude”

Strangely, it was my own strength that I myself seem to have forgotten or underestimated last few days due to the pressure and struggle. I don’t think my dearest friend must have realized how that simple reply of his would empower me and act like a moral boost for the next day which was the toughest day of the nightmarish week. Each time I would feel like quitting physically, mentally or emotionally (which was many times). I would either read that message or remind myself and kept going on doing what that day expected me to do and eventually the day passed.

Yes, over the years I have noticed that no matter how shattered I get in life and breakdown something within me Never Lets Me Give Up ! I may take time to get back on my feet, may take time to heal but I surely get back and more positive and stronger.

While at the moment I am still trying to heal, yet very angry about the situation, hurt and getting back on my feet I surely want to acknowledge and thank my dearest friend Mr. P for that empowering and loving message. It got me going truly !

Like him there was tremendous emotional support extended to me from a lot of special people I would like to thank. To begin with my Reiki family ( They were amazing!LOVE U ALL ), my dearest friend Mayank who has not only been my sounding board, but also someone who has so lovingly been validating and reassuring my each thought ( at times even the ones that are so eccentric ) and standing strong by my side. Puneet my new friend from Reiki family who has been so so sweet and caring about my health and even sends me the most timely reminder messages at 12:30 am saying “ Hope u have gargled !” ha ha ha … Love U Puneet ! And my juniors Shilpa, Akshay and Siraj who have ensured that I can keep off work without worrying about that part of my life atleast.

While i still pray from the bottom of my heart that may universe stop putting me through these trials. I still want to thank the universe for all the support it has extended towards me in the most miraculous ways and blessing me with his wonderful " Never-Say-Die attitude " of mine !