soulstirringexperiences

My Blog is an attempt to share,gather,learn from experiences that have touched my soul in some way.It's a new found voice to my thoughts and how I feel about life and everything related to it.

Friday, March 30, 2007

Loss Of A Dear One ...

This morning, I lost a dear one in road accident. My dear one just left my hand and by the time I could look for it there were no traces to be found. Well I am referring to my dearest 2 year old Nokia 6600 mobile phone.

It’s strange and tragic .. and as funny as it may sound got me mourning all the way there after. My dear phone was safely in my jeans pocket (So I thought it was safe ! :( ) I just shifted my seat in the rickshaw and it slipped out of my pocket .. I didn’t quite realize it until a angel brought it to my notice..it was another rickshaw driver who saw it fall a few meters away …in complete restlessness I just got off my rickshaw and walked 1 km distance to look for my dear phone. I hadn’t given up hope and had no fear of loosing it completely was on mind then . I knew it would be around waiting to be picked by me. I looked all over …inquired with a lot of people on the road. All I got was negative answers, I even called on the number and it was switched off…after 30 – 45 min I accepted it was gone. Disappointed, completely numb, with a heavy heart and moist eyes I continued on my journey to office. It was gone !! Sob sob !

Well I knew as usual life would go on. Through out the journey I kept thinking of all the memories attached to my dear one, all the people I had reached out to, all the contacts I had stored but would have to re reach out to them again, lost all the beautiful messages I had saved over the years from people , also the beautiful memories I had captured in form of pictures, videos and sound records. They were all gone forever.

I had been facing issues with the phone for some time but my attachment to it had not let me let go of it. I miss my fantastic Nokia 6600 that had faced the test of time and supported me through my highs and lows. Strangely just last week my car wash guy had tried to flick it away and I had experienced a near loss indication. I had thanked my stars than as I could revive it . May be it was a indication of what was had to come …

Funny as it may sound this post of mine …but I just felt all the same emotions that I do for a loss of a loved one , i was reminded of times i had loss my father, or friends or love... though the intensity was much lower. I know u will say " Come on it's just a phone"

Life will go on and a new phone will replace this phone of mine but I will surely feel a bit a pinch of loosing this dear one.

My friend Sushma gave me a different perspective to look up to. She aked me " are you going to mourn the loss or celebrate the birth of the new. Think that this new phone will fetch u voices which u have been longing to hear … bring the voices of the friends who bring you happiness. And bring voices of fortune and peace and good luck "

Thanx Shushma for a new perspective …I know now that I shouldn’t moan the loss …may be that’s where the journey had to end and I should look forward and welcome the new.

I think I am going to try and apply new perspective to my life from here on ..

Here I am bidding a Good Bye to my dearest Nokia 6600 and begin to reaching out and make new beginings …

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Looking for answers ...

So many people walk in and out of our lives. However there are some that go away leaving their mark behind. They don’t physically exist in our lives or come back ever but continue be so very alive in our memories. I wondered always why they stayed there forever. At times, bringing a smile on our face or tear to the eye or just making us miss them so much.

Then again, I realize that it’s not them who choose to stay back …they surely moved away long ago. It’s a choice we make to keep them alive in our hearts and memories.

Why do we keep them alive? It is coz they remind us of the most beautiful happy moments, or is it that give us hope that we did find love at some point or is it coz it’s just our weakness to not let go of them coz we believe we will never come across people like them in our life again.

Funnily the irony is that till we don’t let them go we do not allow the new to come into our lives. Even worse is when u know this fact and yet find it difficult to let go or keep retrieving back the moments…I am still to find answers to WHY we behave the way we behave . I hope the answers come to me soon …

Monday, March 26, 2007

The Namesake - Thoughts it left me with ...

The Greatest Journey’s are the ones that bring you home …I just love the sound of this base life for the film “ The Namesake” by Meera Nair. While the film was interestingly made I only gripped me in the second half.

I have often heard about coming back home …but it’s only recently that I am beginning to understand what it means. Well it’s still a very basic understanding I suppose. I have begun to realize that each journey that I walked upon in my life had opened doors to a lot of learning’s and realizations that has made me gather courage to embark on the next journey …it’s process and not all journeys have been comfortable. Most have been tough and seemed like a struggle. But while I detested them then and for a while latter I now understand where they were leading me and how they were just the most appropriate to prepare me for the next. At times I felt that I had learnt but the next journey made me make the same mistakes or have breakdowns which scared the hell out of me.

But recently my teacher Prasad said something that got me going. I don’t remember the exact words (they were short and sweet) but this is what I understood of it.

It’s journey and you have crossed that last station and are done and have dealt with it.and left it far behind …what has arrived now is yet another station which may seem similar to the last but it’s something new that will take u ahead in the journey ...

That’s about the journey but the coming home part to me means …coming to terms with ones self. Loving, accepting oneself.

There yet another part of the movie that has touched my heart and could just relate to it …It’s the scene when Ashok takes his 4 year old Googol on the rocks by the ocean. They reach a point where all u can see is the vast ocean and nothing beyond.
Just then Ashok realized that he has forgotten to get the camera and won’t be able to capture the beautiful sight. He tells his son that now that they don’t have the camera he will have to remember this sight as a point that his father took him to a place where there was nothing beyond . The Son innocently ask “ For how long will I have to remember it “ …The father replies “ Forever” …

It did bring a tear to my eyes as it reminded me of those so many moments spent with my father which were beautiful, very special, to be cherished for a lifetime yet not captured by any camera. However they are fresh in my memories till date.

The film “ The Namesake “ did remind me of my beautiful moments with my father and I am glad they were so fulfilling ( though never seem enough )and gladly I have no regrets anything that I did or said while living them.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Heartfelt !

It's strange how an Orkut.com or my blog could tell me things about me that my dear ones felt or perceived about me.

It's often that we resist telling people we have know for years or a short while how we really felt about them, What we appreciate or don't with the fear of being misunderstood or loosing them. It so important to say these little things ...the mean so much and open a new perspective to the relationship.

I was surprised when I saw that i had 15 fans ( WOW !!) and most importantly almost in tears to receive beautifully written testimonials from 4 of my dear friends.

They seem straight from the heart and made me feel blessed to have people like them in my life who understood me, valued me , loved and accepted me for who i was. I know these are few friends in my life who are my pillar of strenght and shall last forever. That doesn't mean the ones i have not received testimonials from i don't feel touched by. Infact many of them by their deeds , little gestures or just by being there have touched my life and made me feel blessed.

Here are the 4 testimonials that bring a big smile and a tear to my eye at the same time. Besides these here are some friends in my life that I would specially like to thank for being there in my worst phases and best times...

Yashi aunty, Niki, Reshma,Meena, Niki, Ammi, Jay, Bharat, Bhaskar R, Joy, Anand, Abhijeet, Manas, Leroy, Mayank, Dr Anjali, Priyanka, Sushma, Ruchi, Pankaj G, Hema, Olga,Zeeba, Gaurav, KK, Carnic, Shoma...and many more...

Testimonials ...

Rayomand J.: Creatives are best known for their love of one-line briefs. (And well, maybe the odd one-liner like Voodoo.) Well, if i had to encapsulate Payal in one word, it would have to be: intense. Perhaps it is her Scorpio sun sign, that brings this haunting intensity to the fore, in anything Payal puts her hand to. In an age full of cardboard people that J.D. Salinger captured so well, Payal's reality stands out. When she says she will do something, she does it. That's old-fashioned reliability, and there's nothing quite as sexy. Be it at work, or at play with her pottery/meditation, i think she's always in the moment, not languishing in the past, or paralysed with thoughts of the future. This intensity applies also to her relentless determination to find truth, so whether it's her relationships, her blog, or meditation, i am sure that she will find it after subjecting every life experience to that penetrating scrutiny so intrinsic to Scorpios. God bless you, and may you find love. Your Mad Bawa friend.

Suranjana :Payal is a total sweetheart! She's idealistic & really knows how to live life 360 degrees. Acutely sarcy at times, but that's probably what you'll end up liking about her - her capacity to be honest, frank, witty & never hold back. Creative, pretty, eloquent, totally kickass! If anyone's looking for a great friend to last you this lifetime, I assure you Payal is your best bet! Payal is a total sweetheart! She's idealistic & really knows how to live life 360 degrees. Acutely sarcy at times, but that's probably what you'll end up liking about her - her capacity to be honest, frank, witty & never hold back. Creative, pretty, eloquent, totally kickass! If anyone's looking for a great friend to last you this lifetime, I assure you Payal is your best bet!

Pariksheet: Lots of things can be said abt this girl (yeah yeah she is a girl to me). Epitome of inner strength.. the "never give up" attitiude and a sheer will to succeed against all odds.. that is the tip of iceburg of qualities of Payal. My pillar of support in weak times... my true advisor and my shining star. Plus... only a couple of people to whom i say "Hats off".. and one of those is Payal. Yeah she has her minuses.. but she accepts them and improves upon them constantly. Cheers Lady... may u get all the happiness you deserve and much much more!!!

Akshay: Payal - A testimonial

he mood and melody of the sound of anklets
The whisper of a gentle breeze
The shadow of a belligerent storm
The supreme essence of a woman
This one possesses a superlative degree

She seems stoic in the face of strife
And battles in the belief of her crusade
Her happiness is to shareOf unfettered cares
Her sadness is her crucifixAmidst the fire of Hades

Her laughter escapes an element of cheer
Of teenage giggles and conspicuous crushes
Of memories that describe her darkest moments
As bright as the summer sun.
And the afterglow is the worlds to possess

A filler of stories, suprises and songs in excess.
And a test she shall set in time and space
To measure your mark, your mean, your gait
But she is quick to forgive and all that seems
For her world is seldom vicious and mean
And she shall remain your fondest fan
If you share your soul and bare your heart

In her wonderous world of trust and truth
Victory shall be hers and her winnings large

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Making a dream come to reality ...







As I was driving back home last nite, I pondered over last 3 months gone by that have been so chaotic, stressful and just not seeming to end.

I was very low and even wondered what is that really drives people to live a happy life!
Just then what I saw was mind boggling …Here was a man riding a cycle rickshaw, Something I am aware of as a mode of transport in Delhi and northern cities. However unusual in the city of dreams MUMBAI..

Well what caught my attention wasn’t the fact that it was unusual to see one but the way the owner had made it. It had disco lights all around it, painted in bright colours, flashy CD reflecting the colourful lights, with collage of images all over and the most amazing part was the LCD screen which had Bollywood film songs playing …off course for the entertainment of the passengers. The owner proudly rode the cycle rickshaw and I even saw him talk on the mobile as he rode (I guess 'No' talking on the mobile while driving was not applicable to him.. after all it wasn’t technically an automobile. )

I was so intrigued. I kept following him in the car. Finally I stopped the car and waited for him to pass so that I could stop him and get a good view of this unusual piece. I was so excited ..i mean not seen anything like it. I stopped the man who introduced himself as Mohmad Sheru. I asked him if it was his own rickshaw that he had just created for fun or he rented it out.

I was told it was his source of income. It was a piece he had created after 4 years of effort. He was from Meerut and proudly mentioned how he was covered in papers. And how a lot of film stars had taken a ride in the same. Special mention of his favorite star Dharmendra. He mentioned that the tyres of the cycle were specially designed so that the piece could even float in water. He did shows in water too. The rods of the cycle wheel were specially made of brass. He used the piece for giving rides to children,at children parties , film etc. Well, he had a longer story to tell. But a lot of crowd had begun to gather so I requested him for a picture and said good bye. ( Ps : I caputred a film of the same will try upload so that u can know what i am raving about, Though the pivture above will give a fair idea)

I was surely in awe of what he had built. I thought to myself ..it surely has to be a passion to stand out that must have driven him to build an unusual piece like that. May be he was a hero in his city, and may be he spent nights making his dream come to reality, may be his folks must of thought he was crazy or a looser to try something bizarre such as it , He still didn’t seem to be earning lots of money yet with great pride and satisfaction drove his unique piece.

Hatts off Mohmad Sheru for protecting and living your dream…






Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The Pursuit of Happiness !

Yes yet another film I caught up on Sunday. I love watching good finds they are very inspiring and I think last 3 months of chaos in life been my only mode of entertainment. Thankfully I am surrounded by multiplexes thus makes it most convenient. Its almost like walking from one room to the other. Just with a Larger TV screen…he he he …

Getting back to film, I loved the way Will Smith and his son has acted. While the story was simple but I could relate to a lot of situations. I felt feeling that I have been through a lot of similar phases though his situations were worse. That’s what made me feel more blessed and crib and sulk a little less that I was.

There are certain things I surely like to mention that touched my heart. …

To begin with “That part of my life that I call running ….” I just felt that may be the run was trying to say much more than what it was or atleast I read a bit more from it. I felt like Cris we all are constantly running aimlessly … or chasing something or the other in life. The chaze just keeps on and soon it seems to become a habit. Most often the chaze doesn’t really get us anything or rather gets only disappointment. But we keep on with the chaze. I feel we begin to enjoy it.

Then I loved what he says “ Who ever said it was a Pursuit of happiness really knew what it was …Pursuit it is …” That’s all we do . Keep pursuing without realizing that just being in the moment we can have it. Then there are the unfortunate ones like me who even understand the funda of “enjoying and living the moment to gain happiness“ but yet struggle and keep on pursuing it.

I liked when he said “ If you have a dream …you need to protect it. People will tell you you cannot have it coz they cant have it. “ Very true again . I think it is so easy to give in to people’s opinion about your ideologies and dreams and get them trampled upon. I have experienced that time and again. It surely takes courage to continue to believe in your dream no matter how impossible it seems.

I also loved the scene when Cris’s Son ask him innocently if his mom left because of him( the son that is ) and Cris replies “ Your mom left because of mom, you had nothing to do with it “. I so could relate to it." Often we land up beating our self and blaming our self for the people who walk away from our lives. And never give ourselves the chance to believe that perhaps it was their weak moment, or cowardness or their lack of understanding that took them away. Not saying that one cannot go wrong but being hash on one self without giving a chance to believe that it could have been them as well that made them go away …

Friday, March 09, 2007

Achee Breaky Heart ...

This is a beautiful clip from the film "The Holiday" where Iris (Kate Winslet ) describes her feeling and thoughts associated to a heart break. I think it's beautiful and true what she describes and almost feels like way i too have felt at some point in my life.

Often we look for other people in our life to make us feel worthwhile and loved. Truth surely seems that we need to feel worthwhile ourselves at 1st.

Love ourselves !

It's strange how difficult we find doing that is and yet wonder why we are not loved by the other. We belittle and blame ourselves for not being loved or for people who walk out of our lives. Only if we loved ourselves enuff we would of have been able to see beyond our blinkers of how unfortunate or coward were they to step away and how it was their loss for not being part of our lives.

I know the day i can solve this irony of life, it will open alot of doors for me. Life has been kind though even now and opened this little window of realization atleast. Let's see which door over looks from this little window and i hope that some day soon i reach the door and it miraculously opens up to me a whole new world that i never had imagined ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FCH_HWylNyI&mode=related&search==

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Made in Heaven

Cliché as it may sound, blame it on the over dose of mush last 3 days. I have been watching a lot of Romantic films last 3 days, “Shall we dance”, “Music and Lyrics” & “The Holiday” (sheer coincidence all 3 in a row). But as my dear friend Shushma rightly said that watching beautiful love stories is very inspiring and instills a lot of hope in life. Tell me about it ! 3 down already, on a complete high and yet the mush doesn’t seem enuff. Crazy as I may sound I truely feel good for a change .the best part is it’s not for any real apparent reason.

I seem to sense a lot of love around me in different ways.One such incident this evening has touched my soul completely.

I was at Shiv Sagar restaurant waiting for my friend and the food ordered to arrive. Just when I chanced upon a young girl in her early twenties come and sit down alone few tables away. I don’t really see a lot of girls like me eat alone at restaurants and thought may be she was one like me. Soon she was joined by a decent looking well dressed guy her age. They both looked like a couple as she cuddled around his hand. They looked like a sweet pair. I wondered why I was pulled to look towards them. Soon I realized that one of then was deaf and dumb (sorry physically challenged is the right word I think ).

They began to talk in sign language, I thought may be it was the girl. Soon I realized that both were in the same state. For the next 10 mins I saw them make the most loving conversation in sign language, a conversation more than what I see couples make with spoken words these days. I couldn’t stop starting at them. Not that I understand sign language however I could make out that discussed what they needed to order from the menu. They even seem to suggest to each other what seemed good. They did seem to tease each other and share a good joke. The guy exhibiting great confidence, called out the waiter with his sign language and some broken sound that seemed like some words and ordered their meal. Their conversation continued there after. They looked happy in their own state and so very much in love. The girl would cuddle up to him in the conversation.

I found myself speechless too. I was amazed at what a beautiful pair that god had created. It looked too good to be true. I seem to see beauty in their fate written at birth which I am quite sure they themselves or their parents would have never imagined.

It made me think what great visionary that someone up their was. Just knows what we really need. Tries our patience time and again to see if we can still sustain out faith in the process. Faith is yet another message that has been coming to me since morning today.


Suddenly I am reminded of a dialogue from yet another favorite film of mine (Dil to paagal hai ) “ Bhaagwan ne hume jodiyo mein banaya hai …bus milna hum pe chood diya hai …”

Labels: , , , ,

Monday, March 05, 2007

Way back into Love !

I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need em again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere
I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not just somebody just to get me throught the night
I could use some direction And I'm open to your suggestions

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again I guess
I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end
http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ce_DxJFdgM4&mode=related&search=


Yet another beautiful song from the movie " Music and Lyrics" that just melts my heart ...instills hope that some day( soon!) I too will find true love that shall last for ever ...

Labels: , ,

Friday, March 02, 2007

Dialogue with Solitude !

I have been meaning to express my state of mind last whole month but just didn’t have the right words. Until I came across Atul’s Sabnis’s blog (http://gaizabonts.wordpress.com/) post beautifully titled “Dialogue with Solitude” which just triggered my thoughts…

Dialogue with Solitude .. very true and a beautiful concept. Just so apt for my current state of mind …I have been in midst of a lot of physical action and running from pillar to post yet so switched off from the world …

I am in a Dialogue with Solitude and it’s a constant chatter .A chatter that makes me feel uncomfortable, totally numb at times ,restless, angry, realize alot, bring forth my fears, make me want to withdraw,release my tears for no reason, make me confront and deal with my fears ,feel blessed for no reason, break into a smile at times, instill faith and hope in spite of everything seeming to be in a mess, appreciate and accept the beauty of each situation and a lot more …

I strangely find myself in dialogue with my solitude all the time yet find myself very minutely observing the chatter. I don't know how long it will last or what it will unfold but it’s a necessary evil I know and I am just experiencing it in totality till it last !