My Daddy Strongest !

Remember this catchy line from an edible oil commercial few years back...It's so true … that’s what every little girl feels about her father … no matter how lean and simple he is . It’s actually beyond the physical look.He is her Super hero and idol for life. So was the case with me …My Dearest Papa was my Biggest Super Hero …actually Master Magician is more like the word I can use to describe him.

Honestly to the out side world he came across an average common polite and very helpful, honest and quiet human being …but there was so much more to him. He surely ‘THE BESTEST PAPA’ in the world.

I was the apple of his eye…till date I have never experienced unconditional love and pampering the way papa showered me with. He was the center of my world … a world that honestly didn’t care to look beyond Mom, Sonal (my sis) and Papa. I can't remember any wish of mine that ever was not fulfilled .. yes at times he would be modest and say that it will take some time but every wish was always fulfilled!

I use to look forward to coming back from my summer vacations .. usually Delhi was the destination ( native place after all ). As the Rajdhani train would near Mumbai Central station …I would impatiently look forward to see my dearest papa waiting amongst the crowd. Amazingly I would just spot him inspite of the crowd. That moment was just the best moment for me.It was surely the favorite part of my trip.

Oh and watching children’s films like Chota Chetan and Jungle book ...just me and my papa. He knew how fond I was of Hindi film music …so without me asking every new film cassette was presented to me i too would anxiously wait for the same.

When it came to Math and accounts.. I can proudly claim that had it not been for papa’s efforts I wouldn’t have ever cleared my exams …He would wake me up at 5 am in the morning and diligently sit with me explaining and making me practice the subjects. This is in spite the fact that he would have a long working day thereafter. Not to forget the 5 years my dearest parents spent taking us from Ghatkopar to Bandra ( about 60- 80km ) to ensure that we got good schooling. Papa would infact travel in opposite direction ( opposite to his work place that is - Thane ) drop us to school and then head to office … 5 long years .. not a joke .. .. I wonder if I could ever do that for anyone.

The moment I expressed my interest on learning to drive … within no time he bought me a Fiat so that I could learn and fulfill my biggest dream ...( well he knew that as a kid if ever anyone asked me what i wanted to be when i grew up .. prompt would be my rely - Truck Driver ...Itni Badi gaadi hoti hai uski ... he he he ).

Strangely the 1st time I ever went to a Disc... was only with my lovable papa . Well he was protective father and had asked me to avoid disc with college boys...every protective fathers concern.I too respected the same and stayed away.But my adorable empathatic father knew that like every youngsteer I would be curious too ...but out of respect obeyed him blindly.He himself took me there so I didn't feel deprived… doesn’t he sound like the most adorable man.

I have had the most fantastic holidays with him …I still remember how he surprised us by asking us to board the bus to Kashmir instead of the scheduled Vaishno Devi trip. We didn’t have enough money or woolens but was the best trip of my life.
Those family holidays were so much fun.

Be it going to check the Christmas decorations around town and have a fancy dinner together, comming all the way to Juhu beach from Ghatkopar to celebrate our bithday parties to visiting the local vegetable market together (4 of us), to coming all the way to Kemps corner to have dinner at papa's second home Kwality restaurant(chole and baked dish being our favorite there)... It was so much fun. It was amazing to see how mom and dad had adapted so well having stayed for 10 years at the poshest Naipean Sea Road - Dariya Mahal to Ghatkopar for the sake of the business.Yet there were no compromises made ever and ensured we got only the best !

I don't remember Mom and Dad partying any News Years eve without us after we came into their life ...It was always togther where ever it was. That was the beauty !

I loved the way I enjoyed getting Rs. 100 as pocket money right upto college days… fun part was Rs. 100 being small amount would exhaust in the 1st 10 days of the month .. then I would go upto papa and negotiate more money which was ‘ Udhaar’ . It was the favorite game with papa.

Oh yeah another one being he claiming to make dahi batapuri for me and gobbling a few pieces when mom wasn’t looking …as he was banned from eating it.

As kid yet another moment of joy would be when papa would take me for a long drive in our white Ambassador and evey time some fellow in the rick ahead or car acted funny … he would yell out loud‘ Oye Hat Kabutar Singh !!’ and soon like his echo I would repeat it and we both would laugh out loud . There is so much more I can just keep writing.Given a choice between friends and papa I chose Papa and I am so glad that I did.

Today is his 11th death anniversary though in these 11 years I haven’t experienced unconditional love, nor did any one come to pick me up at the station or handed over me any pocket money or bought me music casettes or taken me for family holidays. But my dearest papa has lived every moment of my life with me …he was there as a thought saying "papa ki badhur beti” when I felt helpless and wanted to give up on life, he was there when I saw true colors of so called blood relatives and felt disappointed…kept reminding me his last words “ Meri Maa ( Mata Rani )tumhara khayal rakhegi”, he was there watching all unexpected strangers come into our life and supporting us and showing us how to live life again without him, I know he stood proud when I got my 1st salary cheque of my then dream figure Rs10000. Also when I eventually bought my 1st car after having lost his favorite Ambassador and Fiat. He is with me on my every holiday that I make with strangers or friends. He stood by me and in his own ways showed me how to shoulder responsibilities when Mom and Sonal were totally down.

Today I see him stand proudly with a BIG SMILE and Tears of Joy as he watches us .. the 3 strong women who not only faced all the tides that came against us bravely but also have learnt to ride them gracefully and live a life on or own feet.

He is still my World and I so am so very grateful to God for those wonderful 18 yrs of my life with him when I was loved and pampered beyond words.

My Master Magician, My Dearest Papa !

Love you always

The Shopping Spree

On Saturday, Meena called me asking me to accompany her for shopping to Bandra. I had no intentions to shop for myself but just felt like window shopping ( I enjoy it once in a while – specially when I have to go to art and craft stores. It great fun. My office and friends know that I am so involved in the same so when ever some one wants to shop and have no idea what to buy or the time they hand over the job and money to me .)

Meena was very clear on the shops that she wanted to visit. We even planned to have lunch at Just around the corner as I was getting cravings to go there. Meena was so clear on what exactly she needed. As we went ‘Shop Hopping’ I funnily realized that Meena didn’t seem to find anything that interested her … if there were some products that he even thought were worth considering it was too big for her size (Meena usually finds the best fits for herself in kids sections of stores … he he he ). Talking od fits and sizes that’s yet another misery when we girls go shopping. Either the things we like are too loose or they just don’t fit DAMN !! Surprisingly me who had no intensions of shopping kept discovering all the stuff to my liking …. I bought t-shirts, sexy top, a attractive Red Kurta and funky accessories too. So much for Meena’s shopping plan …he he he. I teased Meena saying that “May be next time I shall make a plan to go shopping may be then perhaps you may find things you desire….” As we both had a hearty laugh about the same a thought suddenly struck my mind

Isn’t this the same scenario in our life. We usually plan what we want and then desperately try to look for it everywhere. It may be the perfect job, Love, Relationship and happiness in general. The More we think we know what we want , the more it seems to never appear. All that we ever find is ‘Disappointment’. However I realized that at every point in my life where I actually got the most unexpected moments and joys were times when I least expected them or were never looking out for them. Be it ‘Love’ , ‘Happiness’ or ‘the perfect job offer’.

Strangely this small shopping incident made me aware this fact and re-enforced my faith in a quote I had heard of years back …’Happiness is like a butterfly the more you chase it the more it runs away from you. However when u just let things be and quietly sit back it comes unexpectedly and sits on your shoulder’

Falling in ‘Love’ all over again …

Smiling without a reason, feeling good about life, feel like dancing to music, enjoy looking my best, take extra care of myself, love spending time doing nothing yet just keep thinking happy thoughts, love singing aloud to myself without hesitation (every one knows can’t even sing to save my life), feel this amazing glow on face (people around to seem to notice it too), every fragrance feels so refreshing, flowers… hmmm so beautiful, simply enjoy sitting by the seaside and watching the waves , appreciate and observe every little beauty around me…

Hey I know this magical feeling …isn’t this what they call being in Love. Yes it’s true; I think I am falling in love all over again. It’s a wonderful feeling…I am glad it’s back, it’s been really long.

Wondering who I am in Love with …well that’s the best part almost unbelievable. Strangely known this person all along.Has been part of my growing up years, my every joy and every pain. Yet took so long to be discovered.

Nah nah .. don't you think so much...it’s none other than ‘myself’. Honestly it feels better than anything other feeling i have known. May be momentary but at the moment enjoying every bit of it. However I sincerely hope and pray for it can last forever.

My 'Moment of Truth'

Indian Mythology, symbolism and its application to Brand communication …Woo, sounds like a heavy topic na. Well to be honest I never thought it would interest me. But to my surprise I attended a workshop on the subject at office by Mr. Devdutt Pattanaik for 3 hours today. Not only was I totally alert through the interactive session but also in awe of the content. Well I surely learnt a lot of interesting concepts but that I will pen down on a latter post.

However what this post is about how off late the most amazing things are happening in my like and more importantly how the questions I had posed to the universe are getting answered each day. I believe the time is right , I am totally in the moment and so alert / aware as never before. I have been looking for these answer every where , inquiring wise ones I meet, soul searching, even searching the net and asking universe for the answers. Today an answer to one of my unanswered question just appeared in front of me in during the lecture. Honestly a place I never even went looking for it.

Well for last 3 – 4 years I have been observing that at various stages and every turn of my life I have encountered Lord Shiv. I never felt the need to worship Shiv but it was present in my life and I was drawn to it.The frequency of lord Shiv’s appearance in my life seemed more than a coincidence. When I mean appearance I mean like …3 years back when I attended the AOL workshop he appeared in one of my mediation in the form of an ‘Om’ symbol and visualization of the idol ( I was surely disturbed with my work and environment then), then I joined Contract and as I stepped in the office premise the 1st sight I saw was a Shiv temple at the entrance (This stage was yet again a time when I was running away and trying to heal from relationships), then I made a trip to Sikkim and Darjeeling in 2005 and for some strange reason most temples I visited were Shiv temples, this June got a strange call from a friend asking me to join him on a trek… I find myself saying yes and when I actually reach (Himalayas ) there I realize that it was again a destination of Lord Shiva’s presence in some form or the other (This was the last stage of my healing process)…it’s surely seemed more than just mere than just a coincidence. I knew there was a connection of some sorts but 'What kind of a connection was it ? kept hounding me all through.

In the lecture as Devdutt in his charming and knowledgeable manner drew a symbolism of Lord Shiv and Lord Krishna. He listed down the symbols and that’s when I just got a very strong voice from within that seemed to tell me that here is the answer that I have been looking for. He described the Lord Shiv as ‘The Hermit’ …the one with a desire to disconnect, he who withdraws from the world, keeps away from worldly relationships. Also all the symbols on and around the image of Lord Shiva indicated ‘stillness’ ‘No movement’. Where as in the case of Lord Krishna it indicated ‘The House Holder’…the one with the desire to engage with the worldly life and live it to the fullest. All symbols indicated ‘Life and movement’

Suddenly it struck me the link between my all the appearances of the Lord Shiva in my life at different stages. Each stage I realized was linked to my desire to detach from the world and relationships of every kind … in some way I was disappointed by what my circumstances were. I struggled with them not knowing why and how I had created them for myself. The appearance of Lord Shiva in this state was symbolic to the state of my mind. As bizaare as it may sound but this moment of realization felt like my ‘Moment of truth’ …I was got shivers by the realization. Suddenly the feeling of withdrawal didn’t feel good…I am a very peoples person and not quite found of stepping away from people… but it dawned at me that at various stages of my life I had stepped back and drifted away, for whose good I am not really sure but that’s the best way I understood to deal with the circumstance at that moment.

Just when I was a bit sad on the realization a positive side of Devdutt’s discussion struck me …almost like the light at the end of the deep tunnel. His description of Lord Krishna symbolized a desire to engage with the worldly life and live it to the fullest. Suddenly I saw an unbelievable connection with Lord Krishna whom I am been recently been hearing stories of , chanting “ Hare Rama Hare Krishna’ and visually getting to see in form of pictures and idols where ever I go. Specially last 1.5 month since I have been attending meditation sessions at Prasad’s and he is a staunch follower of ‘Krishna’ I have been more aware of Krishna ever since. I even saw myself asking for Krishna to come, guide and be with me in my yesterday’s meditation ( which honestly I found strange but then again strange things do happen in the meditative state) It just felt as though all this symbolized that ‘Krishna’ now wanted to take charge of my life and fulfill my desire of living a worldly life with love and affection. The thought felt great and very healing.

I am not sure what all this is …honestly I don’t feel like probing any further. I am very happy at this moment with my ‘Moment of truth’. Just as Prasad mentioned yesterday I want to live this moment to it’s fullest and enjoy it till it last. I have called for it and I truly deserve every moment of it.But what surely has got re inforced yet again is my faith in the universe . It has yet again proved to me that ‘There is nothing called coincidence, everything is just a perfect plan”

Delusion

People who seem so close to us in person usual are so far away (emotionally). And the ones gone far away forever seem to be closest to us in our thoughts, minds and hearts.

We drift away from our loved ones and yet feel immense unbearable love for them. We blame circumstances for the drift and still miss them a lot.

We go all lengths and all over to look for happiness, joy and love but find it the toughest to seek it within where it is sure to be found.

We wonder why we are not being loved by the one we seem to love whole heartedly, ironically we find it the most difficult to love ourselves.

We detest being ridiculed but most often seen belittling ourselves

We so willingly give away our hearts the one whom we know will surely hurt us but when some who really loves us comes to us we resist trying to find excuses and reasons for that love to be false.

Isn’t life such a Delusion, or what we make of it ?