A Reality or A Reflection !

Film making is such an art …a good film maker is the one who can communicate strong messages in the most simple yet effective manner. He is the one who says a story that can make the audience relate to the characters and situations and take back home something that can touch their mundane life in a subtle manner. At times I wonder if good films are inspired from reality or it’s a reflection of real situations, thoughts or characters.

One such film maker that I truly admire is Nagesh Kuknoor. I just watched his recent film called ‘Dor’. Loved the way he unfolds the story …As I understood it , a story of two women’s parallel lives far away from each other yet connected strangely that brings them together at a point in life. I loved the character of both the women …

Zeenat a strong independent woman from Himachal who believes in making things happen in life for herself. She emanates inner strength and believes in empowering other women. Like every woman she has her moments of weakness too though her immense faith in the universe helps her over come her weak moments and be a winner always.

Meera from a small village in Rajasthan on the other hand is a bubbly young girl full of life and innocence personified. She too has inner strength and tolerance that every woman is blessed with. She is so use to her protective and conservative up bringing that she never felt the need to tap her inner true self until Zeenat comes into her life. Zeenat though there for her own selfish reasons manages to empower innocent Meera. She helps Meera recognize and tap her true self .

The film has a lot of take homes …like the “ Always follow your heart” , “Take the leap of faith and you will never falter” “ True strength is always in our own hands…one just needs to recognize it and take charge and responsibility of our own life”

I could see a reflection of myself in both the women. I saw myself as Zeenat who at every stage of her life had fought for what she believed in at the risk of being called insane and spontaneous, someone who had to take a lot of decisions on her own ( big and small) yet like Meera most times fumbled to take the same. Hoped in those moments of weakness and confusion for someone else to come and take the decisions for her and the onus of the responsibility attached with them aswell. Like Zeenat I too believed that come what may will learn from the situation and move forward yet just like Meera needed that angel to come in to my life from time to time and introduce me to my true inner strength and tap it to take the leaf with confidence.

Wow suddenly I feel empowered on recognizing my strengths and weaknesses. I guess that’s the power of a great story and a storyteller. Hats off Nagesh …I totally Love your films and shall continue to watch them. For those who haven’t watched Dor, Iqbal, Teen deewarien, Rockford and Hyderabad Blues …MUST DEKHO !

The funny thing called Life!

Love hurts and yet it’s the most powerful emotion that heals and fulfills each life ...

Time waits for no one yet only the right things happen at just the right time…

We shed tears in sadness and the very same tears don’t stop in moments of joy…

“I need my space” is what we often tell our loved ones and funnily we get into relationships only to fill in that void in our life…

Our egos stop us from reaching out to the ones we love the most yet they are the ones we miss the most

We are so quick to blame people and circumstances for our state of life yet when things go our way how easily we forget to thank and appreciate the same

We run all around to look for happiness yet never seem to enjoy all the little moments that bring happiness in our lives so easily

Just a thought of the moment ...

“There is so much magnificent in the ocean …waves are coming in … waves are coming in ” …so beautiful and true were these lines of Sundaram’s song. He also explained that all the highs and lows that waves experience and chaos that we see at the ocean bed exist only at the surface…but at it’s depth the ocean is very calm …today I understand what he really meant.

Each day in our life we go through highs and lows, the trick to lead a good life I think is to be an observer of each emotion and circumstance, not react to it but to experience it completely and try to work towards creating the “calm” deep within just like the ocean …

Truly soulstirring music ...

7th Oct 2006

I have often heard of music that can touch your soul. But I truly experienced it only on this trip. I am not very musically inclined, infact don’t have any particular liking for music …what ever sounds good is what I hear. But this trip I met some who has given me a new meaning to music, spirituality and humbleness.
Sundaram, a German by origin ( Stephan ,his actual name I figured after a little latter ) flew down specially for this Reiki Intensive course.

I had heard his chants at Prasad’s and was looking forward to see him. The day he arrived we were all anxious to see what he looks like. We were told he is tried and will join us in the evening.

At 9 am group reiki session as we sat with out eyes shut in our meditative mode listening to chants playing in the background suddenly we heard harmonium playing and Sundarm singing ‘ Shri Raghunatha’ … that voice felt like it touched a cord deep within. It sounded like some one very intense and devotional. To think of a German singing Hindu chants and that too so beautifully was just amazing.

As we completed our meditation and opened our eyes we all were searching for Sundaram. He had disappeared leaving us in mystery again. He came back in the evening and we just couldn’t stop smiling at him … imagine a bunch of mad 80 people just looking at someone and smiling ear to ear waiting for him to speak…I am sure he felt the love over flowing for him …We had him sing every evening for us …at times we got meditative and times we just danced in celebration. The feeling that his music created was that of a complete HIGH!!.

Sundaram even took us to the beach one evening and sang by the sea side for us …picture this … the gushing waves, the setting sun, the moon that seem to just be rising and Sundaram’s soul sitting music …it was something so spectacular that i i fall short of words to describe .

He sang a beautiful song that evening the line of which were “There is so much magnificent by the ocean … waves are coming in waves are coming in” That small line just brought out a lot of pain within and helped it get released in the form of unstoppable tears.It was beautiful …

Every evening he would share some interesting stories with us …he cutely called every story as his favorite story. We all very anxiously sat to hear him out. We totally loved the way he would make his stories more interesting by the special sound effects he gave them. It was like re living our child hood when our parents or grand parents read out interesting stories to us.

What was even more amazing was the glow, the calm, the humbleness, naughtiness, intensity on this young German’s face. It just made me forget any worry that came to my mind …

And that’s not all … Prasad and Sundaram made a dream come true . Actually made a special moment just memorable for life. This is on Sharad Purnima day ( Full Moon night ) on 7th Oct 2006. It was suppose to be a very auspicious night according to the Hindu calendar.

Prasad surprised us by announcing that we were going to walk on the beach for a while at night to enjoy the moon lit night. To add to our happiness he announced that Sundaram would sing for us. Picture this ….a family of 80 of us …walking on the silver sand beach that was sparkling due to the beautiful full moon light. At a point we stopped and looked at the beautiful full moon. It seemed to have an aura around it …a glow of red and golden light. It felt like a dream …

Soon we sat down in a huddle. We had yet another surprise awaiting us. Usha ji this very graceful Kathak dance decided to perform to Sundarams chant as her offering to her teacher Prasad . It was just amazing to get a glimpse of Ushaji’s eye movements and hand gestures in the moon light sitting on the cool silken sand with the waves adding to the music of the manjiras and the harmonium.

After a while I kept listening to Sundaram’s music and lie on the sand watching the moon. The way he sang I am sure that night all the gods he called out to must have left what ever they were doing and must have graced all of us with their presence. It really seemed like the doors of heaven were open .I prayed for myself and all my loved ones and enjoyed each moment that was offered to me. It was a night I shall never forget my entire life …I took certain important decisions too at that moment that I have promised to stick by no matter what odds I may have to face .

Sundaram’s voice is spectacular and ever since I sleep with it playing in my mind and wake up with it in my heart. Thanks universe for introducing me to such beauties of life that I seemed to be ignoring so last so many years …

The Magic of Expressions...

5TH Oct 2006
Emotions like love, affection, care, gratitude, joy, anger, sadness etc.aren’t they all beautiful. Then why do we resist from truly expressing them. Why do we hold back ? I think it ‘Fear’…yes fear of rejection, fear of being laughed at, fear of being misunderstood and lot many fears.

This holding back most often stops us from experiencing Magic …magic of the reciprocations that we could have received by sheer expression.

In the last 5 days I have battled my fear and resistance and expressed my feelings, thoughts, views and affection to people known and unkown and I am overwhelmed by the responses I have received. One such expression is to a complete stranger M.

On the 2nd day of the beach walk in the evening I saw a flock of birds flying from one tree on the left to the other on the right. This flock was noisy and continued this little act of there’s. I wondered what must have happened or must have caused this chaos.
When suddenly me eyes fell upon M…a very intense quiet looking fellow from the group. I had been observing him right from the train journey and felt something very mysterious about him. There seemed a lot hiding behind his intensity and aloofness. It almost looked like a mask he was wearing to hide someone beautiful within. I wondered why but yet this mask and the mystery behind it attracted me.

M stood way below the tall trees with a long stick and was innocently swaying it in the directions that the birds were already flying. His little act looked like he was pretending to make the existing chaos happened. It looked very cute and I broke into a big broad smile. Smile that felt from the heart. This incident some how stayed with me.

Yesterday I realized that M felt the need to overcome his non expressive nature …probably something he had been hearing about from people too. I found it strange coz that little act of his on his beach to me looked very expressive and beautiful. To an observer like me it expressed his innocence, playfulness and I guess his state of mind at that moment. Then why did he feel he was non expressive is what I wondered. While I understood the importance of verbal expression I thought even expressing by ones deeds was effective and beautiful. My papa often did that and it worked wonderfully for us.

I wanted to convey the same to M but the fear of being misunderstood and rejected stopped me from reaching out. I kept thinking of ways to reach out and to begin with gather the courage . Prasad often says “ Courage has power, genius and magic” I truly experienced all 3 when I decided to express myself to M. I wrote down a note which Prasad jokingly called a ‘Love letter’ and sent it to Prasad to read it out to him as we were still in silence. I had decided to keep faith in myself and no matter what the outcome accept it as a message. M was obviously stunned to receive a note from me, a stranger he had not spoken to …not even bothered to reciprocated with a smile in last few days of being together .Though he stayed with that dazed look for a while…I saw him just hold my note and express a small tini winny smile to himself. He didn’t even look at me. However I was just too happy that I had expressed my feelings. Really didn’t bother for a response for after all he was a stranger.

Next day during the lunch break as I was chasing these 2 beautiful butterflies I wanted to capture them in my camera came up M towards me. He caught me by a total surprise and said that he wanted to Thank me for the lovely note which he felt that I had written from my heart. He thought it was beautiful and that he would cherish it and keep it with him forever. The way he said all this was so beautiful and I was pleasantly amazed at the way he expressed his gratitude ( and he thinks he can't express ???– Grin ).

I was in awestruck as that is the 1st time I ever heard him speak…in that moment of awe I almost got speechless ( imagine me …the chatter box completely speechless… must have been something mind boggling to make that miracle happen … he he he ) I just foolishly smiled and walked away. I was very very happy …its so true when they say ‘Courage has power, genius and magic’ Magic is what I experienced at that moment.

There after M has been expressing him self beautifully with spoken words too and I am really really happy to see his beautiful expressions to people around and to me.

This incident made me realize the beauty of expressing our emotions. I thought of all those times I had held back expressing myself to people with the fear of rejection. Chances are that I would have got such beautiful responses then as well. I took a decision that very moment is that from here on I am going to gather the courage, listen to my heart and express my feelings without fear of the outcome. There may be times that my expression will not be well taken but in the long run I think I have gathered the faith that they will be understood and will touch peoples lives. I too will accept people’s expressions with an open mind from here on.

With this belief I have decided that I shall take the leap of faith and express truly what my heart guides me to express. Thanks once again for this beautiful realization. Love u UNIVERSE !

Soul Connections

3rd Oct 2006
Often heard of words like ‘Soul connections’, ‘Soul mates’ etc. Yashi aunty always told me about them but I don’t think I had clarity on the subject until today…

What I understand about them is that they are strong connections with people that attract you to them or them to u. They may be complete strangers but seem like you have known them from some where …may be a past life too. You can chance upon them anywhere…usually they come into your life most unexpected yet with a very important purpose for you. The purpose could be to make you realize something you need at that moment, at times cause a break through for you, at times just to make you experience the most beautiful emotions that you probably would have forgotten or was missing in your life,at times they guide you to the right path. They always come by your soul calling …we usually are not aware of if.
The relationship between both of u is very beautiful. At times they walk hand in hand with you at every step of life, at times they show u their purpose and stay connected in some way or the other. The amazing part is that even if they are away they connect with you via thoughts and dreams…they just know when you need them and come to the moment they receive your calling. Unbelievable as it may sound its as real as Miracles.

I too have been meeting few such ‘soul connections’ in the last few years. They have always existed in my life; I guess I am more aware of them now. Here are few that I know for sure are my soul connections…

Yashi aunty, the center of my world, I lovingly call her my surrogate mother. Her gajjar ka halwa and reading out ‘ The precious present’ on one strange evening 11 years back opened doors that has lead me to live a better quality life over the years. It filled my life with love and sweetness. She was the one who introduced me to this beautiful path of spirituality. She has been seeding me with the right thoughts all these years and I see some beautiful flowers blossoming now. She is my true soul connection.

Niki, my best friend who so innocently reading my blog a few days back claimed that either she doesn’t have a soul or experiences. She has in the last 15 years been my true soul sister. She has lived my every experience, moment of happiness, or sadness or love. She can actually read my thoughts and tell me exactly what she feels about them without asking her. No matter where we are she is part of my every prayer, thought and existence. I love her truly.

Bhaskar, a stranger I met in Oct 05 on a return train journey from north east.The connection was so strong…inspite of staying in different cities we have shared all our experiences and moments ( happy ones, sad ones and weak ones) ever since. Funny part is that we rarely meet but some way or the other always stay connected and share a lot. Right this moment I wish he was here with me … though I know in our thoughts we are connected.
Abhijit..little did I know the stranger that I met at a office party in Nov ’05 will lead me to the path of Transformation and introduce me to a BIG loving family I have been seeking for a long while.A family that is blessed with abundance of Love. It’s strange how we barely meet but yet the moment we think of each other ‘pop’ comes a message or an opportunity to connect. I use call it spooky but he would lovingly correct me and call it a soul connection. I totally cherish this connection of mine and love him dearly. May god fill his life with happiness and al that he needs and desires.

And now Anil from Dubai whom I have just met 3 days back here at Goa ( Reiki Intensive )All I know at the moment is his nameand that he is from Dubai but I feel that I have known him for long ...I don’t know where this connection will lead or what it’s purpose is but at the moment it feel great. Today I followed my heart and in my sharing reached out him to tell him how I felt this strong connection with him. Hesitant I was but I am glad I reached out …confused as he seemed about my statement but has very lovingly been reciprocating and acknowledging the connection.

I am sure there are many more connections I have and shall explore in the coming days, months, years.I want to thank Yashi Aunty for introducing me to the concept of ‘soul connections’ and the universe for all the experiences to give me clarity on my soul mates and connections


4th Oct 2006
Its been 2 days since I announced my soul connection with Anil and funnily we have been in silence ever since, I have yet not spoken a word to him and yet I think I already know what the purpose of this connection is.

He is like this very adorable baby who seems to be full of unconditional love. H seems very caring and playful ( Masti is more like the word that can describe him). Almost sounds like Krishna na …

With all his loving gestures and eyes he has showered me with affection and unconditional love.I can’t even describe the feeling..

This beautiful soul has made me realize that there is abundance of love, affection and pampering the universe has to offer me. And I truly deserve every bit of it. There are many more soul connections waiting for me to accept them…All I need to do is break those barriers of hesitation with complete trust in what ever the outcome (like I had with Anil too) an accept what ever comes in my life gracefully.

Anil, my soul mate. I acknowledge your presence in my life and no matter where we shall be after these 8 days..in our hearts we shall always remain connected.

7th Oct 2006
Last 2 days we have not been in total silence and I actually reached out to a lot of people .. infact most of them did. The most important was talking to Anil. He is like this baby brother I always needed. He is 25 yrs old but has a amazing mix of playfulness and maturity. As he spoke to me about himself , life and love it was so dazed at this cute baby’s commitment and maturity.

Like every younger brother … no matter how many years younger he may be but always are the most protective and loving brother to his elder sister who they love to give ‘Gyan’ sessions . I got one such Gyan session on life, love and relationships he he he … I patiently, lovingly heard him out. Smiled to myself and enjoyed every moment of it.

I wish to thank him for all the love and affection he has showered on me in the last few days and sincerely pray to God to fulfill all his dreams and wishes.

Life’s little pleasures …

2nd Oct 2006
I often wondered how Bhaskar ( a stranger that I met on a train journey in June 2005, though now I kind of get the feeling that we share some soul connection hence is part of my life)…lived his life to his own terms and seemed to create happiness every little way…be it sharing his experiences of the 1st touch of the rain , to enjoying moonlit nights, to flying kites on Makhar sakranti to playing a silly game called anti chess and laugh at his own game etc. He often told me that life is about choices and he had chosen this state of being. I never realized the dept of it until Prasad brought it up again…He said “Choose what you want and get what you choose”

It struck me that since last Jan I have made conscious choices to heal and be happy and the universe in it’s miraculous ways is opening one door after the other.

Today at the beach I did something really small but it gave me immense pleasure. I really remembered Bhaskar at hat moment. Coz I know that had he been there he would have done exactly what I did. He was my inspiration today.

As we moved to the beach this evening it was still drizzling…Prasad was in 2 minds if we should go to the beach at all. Once we reached the beach the drizzle got heavier but we decided to stay unless it poured. I had an umbrella in my hand… For once I just ‘Let It Go’ gave it away to a Reiki mate willingly who looked mare in need of the same and walked towards the shores …I made a big heart in the sand and stood in the center of it . Then gradually raised my hands side ways…stood there in silence with my eyes closed to experience the MAGIC ( I have realized that silence and eyes shut just make experiences richer and lasting …). There was strong breeze blowing from the ocean that came up to me with a roar as though it was hugging me tight. Soon it was followed by water droplets gently kissing me face and hands …It almost felt like Mother Nature was pouring out her love for me and pampering me will a lot of affection. Love that I have always deserved but didn’t realize it existed …or may be just had shut myself to. I just stayed with the moment enjoying it to the fullest letting time fly…

It made me wonder, what had really stopped me all these years to experience this unconditional love experienced by nature. I am glad I got this opportunity. I know I chose it for myself. Thank you universe … Thank you Prasad and Thank you Bhaskar for sensitizing me to little pleasure of like that can make me happy so easily . I realize that one really doesn’t need to wait for BIG things to happen to experience happiness just by gathering these little pleasures of life we can make it worth living.

Footprints !

1St Oct 2006
This evening we spent almost one hour at the beach again. Just like the morning experience we were all together yet on our own and in silence. Each one doing different things, some playing with the sand, building sand castles, watching waves, chasing them. Jumping n the water. Each one looked like they had unleashed their child within. It was beautiful.

I too had my moments. The one I really enjoyed was on my way back towards the resort. I saw Patrick ( one of my fellow mates) walking ahead of leaving his footprints behind. As I followed the footprints I just got playful and started to walk on each footprint left behind. Soon Patrick realized what I was doing and got playful too. He walked faster at times, criss cross and then in circles….I too tried to catch each footprint but after a while couldn’t keep up and lost them on the way. We both had a big smile on our faces at our little game. Soon I started top walk ahead. Amd realized that Patrick this time began the chase. Now that I knew the game I started to confuse him with the footprints. Suddenly Patrick realized that he couldn’t catch the footprints as they the gentle waves washed them away…I giggled to myself like a little girl at the poor confused Patrick who couldn’t catch many footprints. Thee after we started to walk side by side leaving our footprints behind.
Just then a stranger jogged passed by us leaving behind deep and lasting large impressions of his spiked shoes. Suddenly I found Patrick distracted and trying to jog back over the joggers footprints. At one point he saw the waves just about touching the footprints without erasing them. Patrick suddenly sat down trying to wash away the footprints by channel zing the waves towards the footprints but was bot so successful. We kept walking ahead and eventually lost the large footprints against the other footprints on the sand.

As I watched him I had a big smile on my face and a thought passed my mind. The thought being that in our lives we come across a lot of footprints…

Some of people who we try hard to chase but get so caught up in trying to figure them out that we loose them in the process.

Then come people who come into our day to day life leaving faint impressions. We too don’t bother much and let me watch pass by.

On our journey there tend to be people / loved ones who walk by our side but usually we are so busy taking them for granted that they tend to go ignored. . Though some very special to us stay with us forever.

Then in our journey come the most amazing people. The ones who are complete strangers and just pass us by on our journey …yet are the ones that leave lasting impressions. Though we try hard to wipe these foot prints from our life. Only with time we tend to let go sight of them and they get lost amongst other footprints of our life.

Be Here and Now !

1st Oct 2006
This morning as I walked the beach in silence with a promise to BE HERE ANS NOW. Suddenly there was magic. I realized that what I saw thereon came from a very different perspective than usual.It was undoubtedly a beautiful experience.

Strangely inspite of being with 80 people I still felt as if I was on my own…in my very own world.

To begin with as I approached the beach I was welcomed by the soft and cool breeze as if it was welcoming me with a tender loving hug. As I walked on wet sand I observed my footprints and soon they were joined by already existing foot prints. For that moment I felt that there was some one walking by my side assuring me that he had been by my side always and I had never been alone . It was a great feeling.

I smiled to myself and walked ahead …I began to notice the waves…they felt so different too. To me they looked like a bunch excited children who were playful amongst themselves. In their playful manner came rushing towards the shore. As soon as they reached their destination they calmed down and sinked into the sand.

I was wondering why every thing to me in that moment looked so different yet beautiful.

Just then the dark clouds in the sky right above my head a while back had been cleared out and I could see a beautiful bright blue sky with a tinge of pink light. It was just spectacular view.

As I turned around to come back to my resort I was amazed to see the tall palm trees which inspite of the breeze seemed to stay stall and still.

It felt like everything was trying to give me a message of how momentary everything was. I really enjoyed each moment of the walk today.

This state of being HERE AND NOW was very beautiful. It made me enjoy all the simple pleasures of life in that moment and made me ponder.

Can u even imagine what it could do to my life if I could practice it each day of my life…

Touched my soul ...

I am over whelmed by the responses I got for my earlier post “My Daddy Strongest”. It’s strange that a simpler reality of my life has touched so many people and made them realize the importance of their parents that live with them. I am glad I could touch a cord in people’s lives.

Well I haven't been blogging for the last 10 days …I have just got back from a mind boggling experience at my Reki intensive course in Goa. I go speechless about what I have experienced …the trip has made me re believe in miracles, magic , soul connections,angels,a master,unconditional love, expressions, simple pleasures of life and much more. The following post are a series of realizations that have touched my soul.