soulstirringexperiences

My Blog is an attempt to share,gather,learn from experiences that have touched my soul in some way.It's a new found voice to my thoughts and how I feel about life and everything related to it.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

From the depth of my heart ...

In this day and time of instant coffee, instant love , life beating you to it’s fast pace, people wearing a mask of superficiality and pretence , fooling themselves about a great fulfilling life they lead even funnier being able to convince others of the same , I often kept questing my thoughts, my approach , my values and above all the fact that does listening to your heart and being true about your feelings really get you anywhere in life...

Not that I don’t strongly believe in them, just questioned them at my weak moments. Times when I got laughed at for standing up for them inspite of failing too often, on hearing how in today’s day and age while I adapted to the ‘real life ‘(so they believe and claim is real) I seem to come from the old school of thought.

However from the time I have begun my journey of penning my thoughts and reaching out via this blog, I have actually come across like minded people and true friends who not only share my views but also appreciate and believe in me. Its very encouraging and I am glad I have this re assurance. There are few friends and acquaintances I like to make a special mention of .

Rayo my good friend and colleague who has written such a beautiful testimonial for me (mentioned below), Meena, Niki (who still hasn’t managed the time to visit my blog am sure will soon )and Reshma my best friends who have been my pillars of strength, not only beleived in me but went out of the way and did things i really don't know if i can ever do for anyone( Love u guys !), Shivani yet another friend who I think is great ego booster coz she not only raves about my blog to her friends but keeps sharing her feedback and says that inspite of knowing me for years has ironically got to know me better off late via my blog. Madhu my orkut friend who keeps admiring that fact that I have the courage to write my mind off, Satish my colleague who thinks it’s great to maintain the balance and appreciates me for it time and again reassuring that in the long run it will be my strenght. Mitesh an acquaintance who is still is getting to know me and so am I . But sent me this encouraging beautiful message “U write from the heart ! That's the nice thing about you, there is no pretence there .............” Manas my ex boss and great friend who always believed and assures me that inspite of this madness called corporate life I will surely find true love who will appreciate me, my values and accept me for it.

There are so many more people who have appeared off late (may be they were always there I just wasn’t as aware) to re assure me. Thanks guys I am really glad to have great friends like you and feel totally blessed.


Rayomand’s (akka Rayo )Testimonial : Creatives are best known for their love of one-line briefs. (And well, maybe the odd one-liner like Voodoo.)
Well, if i had to encapsulate Payal in one word, it would have to be: intense.
Perhaps it is her Scorpio sun sign, that brings this haunting intensity to the fore, in anything Payal puts her hand to.
In an age full of cardboard people that J.D. Salinger captured so well, Payal's reality stands out. When she says she will do something, she does it. That's old-fashioned reliability, and there's nothing quite as sexy.
Be it at work, or at play with her pottery/meditation, i think she's always in the moment, not languishing in the past, or paralysed with thoughts of the future.
This intensity applies also to her relentless determination to find truth, so whether it's her relationships, her blog, or meditation, i am sure that she will find it after subjecting every life experience to that penetrating scrutiny so intrinsic to Scorpios.
God bless you, and may you find love. Your Mad Bawa friend.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Reason , Season , Lifetime ...

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a god send and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON, because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life

It's rightly said what goes around always comes back. My today's post is a philosophy that I came across many years back and have truly experienced and believed in. In fact I have mentioned about it in my earlier post too. In this moment of my numbness it has appeared yet again out of no where ... I think to remind me of why people came into my life and what the joy, happiness, love and pain they brought with them meant. I am grateful to the universe for this gift of THE MOMENT

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Comfortably Numb !

Though last 2 weeks have being really active with lots of traveling (Goa with family 1st and then to Bangalore for a workshop - IIM B )…Yet I am experiencing a phase like never before … a time where the past and the future seems to have been blocked and can’t seem to visit them in my mind.

There is this strange feeling of being in acceptance of the moment and being totally numb and empty. My friend Rayo says its called being ‘Comfortably numb’. I just feel I am totally in the moment. After really long experiencing a feeling of no anxiety on not knowing what shall come next or worrying about anything. Feel totally liberated as though for a while I had entangled myself and did not know how to undo the knots. Not that all the knots are opened but yet some seem to have its making me feel relived.

Strangely this new feeling just feels great. But as they preach in Vipashna …This too is momentary and this too will change…I hope though that I can learn the art of sustaining this feeling for ever.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Gopal's Birthday Bash !! :-D

Glowing Gopal ..Happy Birthday!



Ecstasy…yeah that’s what I would describe my experience today at Little Gopal’s birthday (Lord Krishna). It is the most unique and unplanned Gokul ashatmi celebrations I have ever attended.

As I walked in to Prasad place this morning I didn’t really think I would be able to stay for long as I had to rush back to work. Though I feel healed over these last 4 days I still had this very empty feeling …a feeling of numbness. a feeling of not knowing what next .. but each time I enter his place .. there is such an amazing energy the greets me … its very warm, at times aggressive, full of joy and full of high spirits . What ever the form may be .. the energy totally rejuvenates me and takes me on a complete high empowering me to face life as it comes.

It’s amazing but today inspite of thinking; that it would be difficult for me to stay for long …I was there for 3 hrs. It was like a BIG Birthday Party only of a different kind.

To begin with Bal Gopal looked really cute and happy in his new carved wooden alter.. well decorated with beautiful flowers and lights. Prasad had dressed the little Gopal in very pretty bright clothes.

In a while the room kept filling up with more and more guest … soon Prasad asked us to sing along with Mr. Krishna Das’s new Cd of Chants ( All is one )…it was amazing .. and a feeling of a high had begun to set in . Just then we were joined by a team of young singers from Hare Rama Hare Krishna temple …they explained a few sholoka and certain concepts which were totally new to me. Like he explained what Govind meant … ‘Go’ means Senses …Govind means “ Controller of all senses” and Krishna means ‘All Attractive’ .

Many such facts were shared. Soon he started to chant bhajans and general chants and there was an unbelievable energy in the room … this energy just made each one just get up and start to dance..

There were people raising their hands up in the air and jumping as they shouted aloud Krishna chants. The sound of the manjiras, drums and the musical instruments just extenuated the ambiance. Soon I saw myself wanting to start jumping and dancing as though the energy in the room was contagious. It’s a feeling I have never experienced before ….I also experienced my hands and arms trembling with a strong flow of universal energy …

It just made me very very happy and in bliss…Though I had to leave for office I just couldn’t move out of the place .. it was as though something was asking me to stay back and just enjoy …when ever a slight worry full thought of what would my bosses or clients say on my disappearing act for 3 hrs arrived in my mind all I could hear was “ Don’t worry Krishna will take care of it”

There is much more that I experienced and saw.. Like the Joy on each face, every one in total bliss, wonderful fulfilling smiles, a bhog of prasad bought by various people ..( there was a variety of 30 -40 things ), the singing, dancing, jumping, peace , bliss, joy , happiness. It was almost like another world …

I too felt my emptiness being filled by a strong faith that kept telling me .. don’t worry Krishna will take care of u …just be aware and let every feeling be the way it is .. Experience the moments as they come and just enjoy the freedom …

Thank you Krishna and The Universe for reinforcing my faith in you each time I seem to get shaky or feel empty and empowering me to face life with a smile.

Happy Birthday once again Dearest Bal Gopal …Love you always !

Saturday, August 12, 2006

New Beginnings!

Every ‘End’ has a ‘New Beginning’…
Today I have finally come to face to face with another ‘End’
While my heart grieves with pain at the sight of ‘The END’
The universe in it’s miraculous ways seems to be nudging and prompting me to look forward to a ‘New Beginning’ with complete faith an trust .
Here is a choice I got to make …
I choose to embark on a my new journey taking new steps with my ‘New Beginning’

Friday, August 11, 2006

The Healing Process …

“Time heals everything”, so true! Has been drilled time and again amongst all of us since childhood. Today is when I really understand it in the "True sense". Last 2 .5 years have been very tough for me in tackling a hurt which inspite of efforts I didn’t seem to let it heal as smoothly as I would have liked it too …

Today I realize it’s a slow process …and while it hurt a lot …since it started to heal, has taught me a lot more than I ever imagined.

I began with me being introduced to the concepts of “Everything that happens in our outer world is a reflection of our inner world and that we create each situation that arrives in our life by our own beliefs" .. the Lousie Hay workshop conducted by Mille shook me up…and as a learning I started to apply ‘Affirmations’ to my life. The results were miraculous. Uplifted my sprits and gave me reason to explore the unknown further.

However the hurt still lingered on. May be I wasn’t still ready to heal ..may be i just enjoyed holding on to the pain ... And the process needed more time.

Then at a Mystic Fare chanced upon a psychometric reader, who said something that made me ponder a lot “She said you need to Let go of the past …by holding on you will never give something amazing awaiting for you acceptance to enter your life, It’s like having a cup of tea after eating an amazing piece Jalebi, no mater how much sugar you add the tea will be tasteless one has to let go of the sweetness of the Jalebi to enjoy the unique taste of tea and its sweetness ” What she said made sense …I was also reintroduced to a concept of “ Anger letter” … It helped me heal more …

I was getting better slowly but surely and the wound didn’t hurt as often. There set in a kind of acceptance and felt more at peace with myself and much happier.

Universe being my strongest supporter wanted to ensure that I heal completely leaving no scars and be ready and willing to welcome all goodness that awaits me …

Last few week,the universe has yet in its miraculous ways has been sending me very strong messages of Surrender and Let go. And what I experienced yesterday during my meditation is a sure shot sign of the fact the I am almost ready and healed.

As Prasad ( a Reki Master )lead us into an proactive mediation to the chants of “ Hare Rama Hare Krishna “ I experienced myself surrounded by vibrating pink light …it was like a florescent light surrounding my entire body. Soon I felt it entered my heart …its force of the light and energy seemed very strong. It was soon followed by red light …as I wondered what all this was I found myself standing in front of my heart …I saw the wounds.. saw it bleed, it even had scars . It was surely not looking like a well kept heart. Suddenly the pink and red light settled on my palms and I saw myself touching the wounds that seemed to heal …almost like a magic soothing touch …I seemed full of compassion and I heard myself say it’s ok … your going to be fine”

As bizarre as it may sound …but this is what I experienced. I had nice good feeling post the meditation though was left wondering what it all meant …This morning when I shared the experience with my Rita ( my Reki Master ) she replied “ Yes it means your heart chakra is healing and releasing old patterns that block flow of love to others”

I have understood that while the process is slow but healing surely brings with it new learning’s that prepares us to deal with life and situations well.

Healing also depends on the openness of our mind and heart. The moment we understand the hurt, try to detach ourselves from it, look at it objectively, show the willingness to let go that’s when true healing happens …

Thank you universe for guiding me and giving me the healing touch in various ways !

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

LET GO !

Just when I look for answers Univerese in it's most awesome ways sends me solutions, messages and the next step I need to take towards my goal. It has happened time and again.

I am glad my faith only gets stronger. Here is one such answer that came to me via my favorite bawa friend (also my colleague past 2 job stints that is ...) RAYO in the form a mail ...It's beautiful, well written in true Rayo style and just perfect for me in it's timing !

Thanx Rayo ...I am glad I have wonderful friends like u .And Thank You
Universe for being there for me always :-D



You can't find the new person to share your life with, till you let go
of clinging to the ghost/reduced contact with/any other form of contact
with the old.

Therefore, as much as a certain person may have as the vivid expression
goes'watered the garden of our soul', one has to be very firm in the
belief that there are other applicants for the aforesaid job. And, while
the natural tendency is for one to believe that oh the first person did
it in a certain way which cannot be replicated, the realisation gradually
dawns,that anotherperson's method, may be a)different and b) far more
satisfying.

What is more, despite all the crap about the first cut being the
deepest, it's only because we haven't found anyone else yet, to more than
satisfactorily not just sew the wound together, but make it seem as if it
was never there in time to come.

And, now this is where i get into grampa mode, i seriously think, that
there is a huge difference between the person we want, and the person
we need.God, or whoever is up there, mercifully engineers it so that you
get the person you need most of the time, which, if you really think about
it, is the only divine solution to stay together through a lifetime,
without a trip to the divorce court and other unsavoury elements of
modern life.

So in as much as there may be certain creatures who inhabit our most
secret moments and memories, be very sure, that there are others,
who are dying to break the door down that we have erected, and while
causing much joy to enter us, dispel the ghosts of the people we have
loved, and who have loved us formerly. But, life is a continuum, and
clinging to the past while advantageous for British royalty and other
tourist spots, is not the best strategy to follow in our personal lives.

And be also sure, that before the final one walks in, many more will
walk in, to prepare you for the one you will be with. Each will teach
you a lesson, that you need to be taught, and then vanish from your
life, or if you're seriously persistent, will hang around at the
periphery always there to remind you of the limitless and undying love
that really can be yours, if only you'd let go.

None of what i say here is theoretical, ive learned it by living
through it. So much for Celebrity endorsement of this product works.
But yes. The very very very many women, who dropped into my life,
after my first fiance dropped out of it, all took me a step ahead,
in different spheres, till i was ready for Ms.Medhora aka Mrs R J Patell.

And i will recount them, without batting an eyelid, Ms M - girl on
my desk if you've ever seen the frame got my writing back on keel,
Ms.A got my soul back in its groove, Ms M II made me feel like there
were other women out there who would give their left arm and a whole
lot more to be with me and what was i socut up about my ex for, and
then Ms V was the one i rebounded with, and very possibly still
embarass by loudly proclaiming her to be the perfect woman at every
opportunity, Ms S was a sounding board throughout it all, supportive
of every single woman entering and leaving my life and the lessons
learned from each one, Ms S II was my psychiatrist with whom i
could have endless discussions on the futility of exes and the
need to move on, Ms. C was the one who let me discover, that
i could get into bed with another woman too and there were a few
more minor indiscretions of that sort, names not important here,
and then mostly Ms L finally finally drove it home to me, that
infidelity took two to tango, and that i should stop blaming
only the other guy, and instead blame my ex as well, and just that
realisation (oddly enough with her, i was the bad guy for a change)
was enough to finally rid me of what duran duran call "the ghost of you"...
and so more or less i was healed and ready, and two weeks later...

Ms KM showed up,one can be certain, that the male version of this
female arsenal is headed your way, But only if you're ready to go
on that joyride.

While the preceding paragraph sounds like advocating the case of
rampant promiscuity, keep in mind, that the actual nights spent
between the sheets were less important than the majority of nights
spent discussing/talking/emailing/introspecting and healing bit by bit.

oh and while overworking may appear like a cure, is really just a
delaying mechanism, the sooner we confront the lepers in our heads as U2 put it,
the faster we can actually possess true Ananda - so very essential for the
creative person.

tata
me

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Still Single …

“Why are we always surrounded by kids or people much younger when we step out on a Saturday nite” asked Meena one of my very close friends ( still single ) as we waited for our food to arrive at the new eating joint in the area called “ Crep Station” Prompt came my reply “ Coz people our age are usually home, guys watching Tv and girls doing a balancing act between managing their kids and kitchen” …all three( third being Niki my yet another single friend) of us broke into loud laugh …

Well being single surely has its advantages …like lesser responsibilities, being able to take decisions faster about life, work , money, travel, making new friends, learning new things, just doing what one likes. Taking chances and risks etc…

No no , none of us girls are anti men or relationships …infact when we do decide to settle down with someone we will surely be great “Home makers”. However at the moment we are too happy enjoying being single. There is so much more to life that one can explore. There is so much one can learn, experiment and gain from.

Unlike the old days, today more and more girls concentrate on education, career and creating a mark for themselves. They do not just jump into marriages just for emotional and financial security. It’s like women today seem to have a different objective to life …yes all these single women do have marriage and relationships as an important agenda but only when they feel they have met the one they can relate to ,who understands their space and lets them bloom and grow beautifully inspite of being together

Yes this “Still Single” lot does have to go through speculative eyes of the society, at times fear of loneliness and being single for ever does over powers them, but at the same time they also get envied by their peer group who take the plunge much earlier in life. Confusing as it may sound but there are pros and cons …

It’s funny how all our lives we keep chasings something and when we do eventually get it we feel we were better without it. Eg as a kid wanting to grow up fast, As singles wanting to get married, As married ones wanting to start a family …these aspirations never seem to end or satisfy any one.

Does this chase ever end? Why is that we cannot enjoy what ever we get without an anticipation of something more? Why do we constantly believe and hope that the future will only bring with it better things? Why can’t we just be and enjoy the moment?

All though fears of remaining single and lonely in the long run do take over me constantly and I still don’t have answers to all the questions above…Off late I have just taken a very conscious decision to “ Just Be” , “ Live every moment” and enjoy being “Still Single…” At times I feel this decision does empower me and helps me enjoy life in a more fulfilling manner.

Which brings me to this beautiful statement I read today … “Learn like you are going to live forever …Live like there is no tomorrow”

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Gumsum Udaas ...

Gumsum udaas yeh maan kyo hai...
Jisse paaya hi nahi usse khone ka gaam kyo hai

Gumsum udaas yeh maan kyo hai...
Jisse ne laut ke bhi na dekha kabhi...
Usske, aaj bhi laut aane ki ek anjaan si aas kyo hai

Gumsum udaas yeh maan kyo hai ...
Jisse paaya hi nahi usse khone ka gaam kyo hai